There were days including today, when I was very much obsessed with death, that I truly did not want to live anymore. I considered this deeply for a while. The only thing at the end I remember thinking, was the verse that I read this morning.
“Wherefore I praised the dead which are already dead more than the living which are yet alive.”-Ecclesiastes 4:2 .
Now, I said to myself, ‘See, even the word of God says it is better to die soon than being alive to see the evil things happening under the sun’…….That was how I concluded first.
Then, I opened the Bible to the same page, and kept meditating on the same verse for the second time. After sometime, I returned and pondered on the conclusion that I drew. My dumbness and stupidity I should say, in understanding life.
After I was so much obsessed with death, and before I opened the Bible for the second time, there were around around 10 -15 minutes in the middle. Only God knows what all I thought. I was mad like never before, and started to weep. My dumb brain engulfed me and told me to pray like this, and I did pray like this.
‘GOD GIVE ME ONE WHOLE DAY’. That is, I asked God to shorten my life span to one day.And I laid two conditions. 1. After 24 hours ( 1 day), I should no longer be alive. 2. I should live this whole day fully for you, and fully pleasing you. My God! What have I done ?…How can I please God with such kind of prayer? I failed in the very step to please God.
I asked these 2 questions to myself.
AM I THAT GREAT IN KNOWING THINGS BETTER THAN GOD?
AM I MORE WISE THAN GOD THAT I AM ABLE TO GIVE SUGGESTIONS TO GOD?
The answer is a big “NO” for both .
Solomon, said these words (Ecclesiastes 4:2) under a circumstance in which he was so much grieved to see might prevail against right. Then it hit my head. If HUMAN AND WORLDLY THINGS were our chief good, not to exist would be preferable to life. Without understanding this before, there are times when abominable words ran out of my mouth.
I was so angry, but not God. His love has no extent that He loved me, even when I forgot to love myself. God proved that I was wrong, not through his wrath, but through his kindness. He changed my insight towards life. He will change your’s too. Some people say ‘God is good all the time’. That ‘some people’ are none other than the ones who had tasted and experienced His love. Today that I have tasted His love, I testimonise before all who are reading this that GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. If at all God was angry at me, can I stand against the wrath of God? No. Never. Not even the kings can stand against the varied shades or the degrees of God’s wrath. God is slow to anger and great in power. He is patient. But if you are going to be wicked to test His patience, then God has to show you that He cares. Which means He has to show His wrath.
“LACK OF WRATH AGAINST WICKEDNESS IS A LACK OF CARING, WHICH IS A LACK OF LOVE.”
Do not worry if someone has done any injustice to you and never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God. Because it is written in the book of Romans 12:19 that,
“Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” This is one of my favourite verse.
Now I was happy and at ease, that I clicked some pictures of these beautiful beings grazing in the pasture land behind my house this evening.
2016 is coming to a close, and I ask every one of you reading this to stop feeling negative about yourselves and trust God. Keep calm and wait for the miracles that are about to happen in your life. GOD SHALL BLESS THE UPCOMING YEAR 2017 and I wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance !!! ☺☺☺