Questioning my existence:
There are days(include today), when I was very much obsessed with death, that I truly did not want to live anymore. I considered this thought deeply for a while. I was mad like never before, and started to weep. The only thing at the end that I remember thinking was the verse below, that I read this morning from The Bible.
Wherefore I praised the dead which are already dead more than the living which are yet alive. -Ecclesiastes 4:2 .
My lack of understanding:
Now, I said to myself,
Even the word of God says it is better to die soon than being alive to see the evil things happening under the sun’…….
My immature brain engulfed me and made a request to God like this,
Lord God, please shorten my life to only one day, but under one condition. At the end of this day, when my soul parts with my body, I should have lived the day only pleasing you and only for you.
That was how my reasoning worked primarily!
It was almost 10- 15 minutes in the middle between my conclusion and realisation. Only God knows what all I thought. Amidst the confusion, I opened The Bible to the same page, and was meditating on the same verse that I had read previously this morning. After realisation, my dumbness and stupidity I should say, in understanding life. What have I done ?…How can I ever please God with such a request/prayer? I have failed in the very first step to please God.
I asked this question to myself,
AM I MORE WISE THAN GOD THAT I SUGGEST HIM AS WHEN TO END MY LIFE IN THIS PLANET?
The answer is a big “NO”
I realised only then that Solomon said these words (Ecclesiastes 4:2) under a circumstance in which he was so much grieved to see might prevail against right.
There are times when abominable words ran out of my mouth. Then it hit my head. If HUMAN AND WORLDLY THINGS were our chief good, not to exist would be preferable to life. This is what Solomon intended to say.
It Dawned to me:
Yes, I was angry, but not God. His love for me has no limit that, He still loved me when I forgot to love myself. God proved me I was wrong, not through his wrath, but through his kindness.
Now I am happy and at ease that, He has changed my insight towards life. He will change yours too. Many say “God is good all the time.” That ‘many’ are none other than those who tasted and experienced His love. Today that I have tasted His love, verse)an embodiment for all who are reading this that GOD SURELY IS GOOD ALL THE TIME.
If at all God was angry at me, could I stand against the wrath of God? No. Never. Not even the kings can stand against the varied shades or the degrees of God’s wrath. God is slow to anger and great in power. He is patient. But if you are going to be wicked to test His patience, then God has to show you that He cares. Which means He has to show His wrath.
LACK OF WRATH AGAINST WICKEDNESS IS A LACK OF CARING, WHICH IS A LACK OF LOVE.
A small tip:
Do not worry if someone has done any injustice to you and never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God. Because it is written in the book of Romans 12:19 that,
Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.
( This is one of my favourite verses)
Farewell to 2016:
2016 is coming to a close, and I ask every one of you reading this to stop feeling negative about yourselves and trust God. Keep calm and wait for the miracles that are about to happen in your life. GOD SHALL BLESS THE UPCOMING YEAR 2017 and I wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance !!! ☺☺☺